The Beauty of Friendships That Last (and Those That Don’t)
- Haide Giesbrecht
- Aug 27, 2025
- 4 min read
Why Friendship Matters
We are wired for connection. Relationships are a thread that runs through every stage of our lives, shaping who we are and how we move through the world.
We currently have good friends staying with us. They were both some of my best friends before they even knew each other. In fact, we were doing some calculations, and it turns out I have known them for more than 37 years—longer than I’ve known my husband.
We have walked through many different stages and challenges together, consistently spending time each summer for the last 31 years, with the exception of the Covid lockdown year. These are “chosen family” type friends. In our summers together, we coexist in the same house for one or two weeks. You learn a lot about each other’s quirks when you share space in such a significant way.
Friendships as Soulmates or For a Season?
While I’ve always recognized the significance of friendships, my understanding of connection has deepened over the years. As a child, I was enamoured with Anne of Green Gables and the idea of a "soulmate" or forever friend. And while I have some friendships that have weathered decades, I’ve also found meaningful connections in more recent years. Friendship, I’ve come to see, is less about one perfect person and more like a rich, varied tapestry.
We may find ourselves longing to discover that one best friend who will walk through every season of life with us and meet every need. The reality is that not all friendships last forever, and not all friendships can (or should) meet every need. Some friends are with us for a lifetime, and some are with us just for a season. Both can be deeply meaningful.
I think of some of the incredibly important friendships that came into my life for a season:
A dear friend who had her children around the same time mine were born. We were on maternity leave together and spent significant time each week with each other. We even took turns babysitting so each of us could have a break from being mommy for a few hours a month.
When my kids were toddlers and preschoolers, I had a wonderful neighbour who shared a cup of coffee and some sanity-saving conversations with me each morning.
As my children started school, we connected with an amazing group of homeschool families. We met each week for what we began to affectionately call “Friday Friends” - coffee and visiting for the moms and creative play and connection for the kids.
The Many Purposes of Friendship
Different friendships serve different purposes. Some are built on laughter and silliness, others on serious conversations. Some come alive when we’re doing activities together, others offer practical support, or simply a welcome distraction when life feels heavy. Each one brings its own gift.
There may be seasons when friendships aren’t always perfectly balanced. Sometimes one person carries more of the load. That’s natural, as long as there’s give-and-take over time, or other friendships help balance what’s missing. I’ve had seasons where I leaned heavily on friends, and others where I was the one offering strength.
In times of significant loss or grief, I have needed my friends. They have carried me through and helped sustain me. But there have also been seasons when friends were the ones walking through challenges, and I was able to support them. Both roles matter. Sometimes they happen within the same relationship. Other times we pay it forward and show up for others in ways that friends once showed up for us.
Relationships can also give the gift of variety. It’s easy to gravitate toward people who are similar to us, but there’s something powerful about building friendships with people who see the world differently. They expand our empathy and broaden our awareness. I have found unexpected connections with people who are very different from me—in personality, upbringing, philosophical outlook, politics, and religion, to name a few. Variety in friendship causes us to grow and see the world through new perspectives.
The Importance of Connection
Connections come in many forms, and all are significant. Even casual connections—the barista who remembers your order, the neighbour who stops to chat—can add warmth to our days. And then there are those rare, lifelong friends: the ones where, no matter how much time has passed, you can pick up right where you left off.
However, friendship can also change with our seasons of life. Childhood playmates, school friends, parent-friends, colleagues—each stage brings its own circle. Sometimes friendships fade, and while that can hurt, I’ve come to see that it doesn’t make them failures. Often they gave us exactly what we needed at the time. Looking back, I see that each of these friendships met different needs in different seasons.
As my kids have grown, my friendships have become more centered on activities I enjoy for myself. Some of the friends from earlier days are still very present in my life. Others are more casual connections—an occasional chat on social media or a random encounter at the coffee shop. Still others remain simply as fond memories. All of them have been significant and formative in helping me become who I am today.
Vulnerability, Trust, and Joy
The friendships I treasure most now are the ones where I can be real. Vulnerability and trust turn acquaintances into confidants. Not every friendship needs that depth, but the ones that do often change us. At the same time, I’ve learned not to overcomplicate it. Friendship is also about joy, laughter, and simply being present with each other.
And here’s the thing: there’s no one “right” way to do friendship. Some people thrive with just a few close friends. Others find energy in a wide circle. What matters most is knowing what you need and being intentional about tending to those connections. If you’re longing for more friendship, that doesn’t mean something’s wrong with you—it simply means you’re human.
Friendships aren’t measured by how long they last, but by the richness they bring in the moment. Each connection, whether brief or lifelong, adds a thread to the fabric of our lives.
~ Haide
Reflection questions:
What friendships are sustaining you right now?
What connections—whether deep friendships or lighthearted encounters—are you finding meaningful?
And are there new ones you’d like to nurture?
